It’s official. The time has come for us to finally part ways. Our years together have been ones of self-discovery and self-destruction, good times and bad, filled with belly aching laughter and tears aplenty. But it’s time to move on. I’ve outgrown you and need to pursue things that only my Thirties can fully support. In other words, Twenties- It’s not you, it’s me. You’ve been fantastic and I’ll always remember you, but really... I’m just not that into you anymore.
I do, though, remember the beginning like it was yesterday. I thought you were the coolest- providing me with freedom, boatloads of cocktails and the notion that anything was possible. Who was to say what would happen or where we’d go? We spent those first few years finishing out college and then moved to Boston and lived with the most wonderful best friends a girl could have- spending evenings painting our nails, watching movies, pondering clothes and boys and dancing around our apartment with glasses of cheap Merlot in hand. Our first apartment on our own- with no one to answer to but ourselves. Who cares if it was practically falling down and all the other tenants were cab drivers? It was OURS and we loved it. Traversing the decade meant we were to make some big fashion mistakes as well (red pleather snakeskin pants anyone?) and design disasters (I recall painting over old wallpaper because we were too lazy to rip it down and also thinking twinkle lights everywhere were so, so chic). But man, did we have a good time...
We all had jobs that we disliked, but we didn’t know what we wanted to be or do and we had time to feel that way- after all, our time with you had just begun. I sold art and insurance (yup, insurance- and for two years at that), picked out fabrics and lights for other designers, ran errands, cried into my wine glass at night over mean bosses, got fired, got hired, planned events, sang loudly in the car with the windows down driving home just happy to be alive but also sat in bed feeling doomed to never find my REAL calling. I finally quit a job that bored me and took a big risk by trying to do something on my own- a little thing called a blog. Which turned out to be the best decision I ever made in my whole damn life. It started as nothing and has really turned into something. A career. One that makes me totally psyched to wake up in the morning and proud to announce is mine at cocktail parties (because really, it never felt worse than when someone asked me “what I did” when I was not proud of the answer). There is still so much more I want to do- write a novel, paint and become a skilled photographer, throw elegant parties, design more homes or perhaps give it all up and open a bakery, a yoga studio or maybe become a therapist (the crazies make the best ones, so I should be able to knock that sh*t out of the park). I have no idea what I’ll become. I have no idea what I am. All I know is that this is the time to find out and I can’t do that with you, Twenties.
On top of all that heart-pounding confusion that comes with careers, we had a lot to deal with when it came to matters of the actual heart. There was that idiot I managed to latch myself to for five friggin' years that I finally let go of and never, ever thought of again. Flanking him were those I liked, loved and lusted after. I had my heart broken and felt that pure sense of longing that only unrequited love can inflict. I felt angry, desired, rejected, restless and at peace. So many things for one person to feel, yet we all do every single day. You brought me some really memorable moments too- meeting Andrew (on match.com nonetheless) who made me feel safe and adored, being proposed to (and answering with “go f*ck yourself”- a looooong, very funny story), getting married in the most beautiful wedding ever and now trying to understand what marriage and love all means and how it works in the long term. It’s pure craziness, but pretty damn cool too.
One very important thing you’ve taught me Twenties, is that life is messy. It’s never the way you pictured it would be and it never will be. It might be better or it might be worse- or perhaps just totally, unexpectedly different. You can’t predict how you’ll feel or what will happen tomorrow. I think the most important lesson you showed me, and late in the game at that, is that trying to mold my life using the strict rules and assumptions I set out with will never work and will only create hostility and unhappiness. I learned from you that the “not knowing” is what makes it beautiful and exciting. But with that said, I think the thirties will be the most profound time for me and I think it’s about time I got on with it. Big changes, or maybe just small ones, await and I’m kind of psyched to see where they take me. Even if it does mean I have to pony up for some extra strength anti-wrinkle cream (after all, we did enjoy baking in the sun quite a bit during our time).
But don’t be sad, Twenties. I see girls every day who are looking forward to their time with you. I love seeing the twinkles in their eyes when they think about how you will be the best time of their life. And you might be, but as for me, I think the best is yet to come.
Xoxo,
Erin
79 comments:
i loved this! as someone in their early twenties (and about to graduate from school in a semester) i found that second to last paragraph very comforting.
cheers to you and your new friend, your 30's!
wishing you an incredibly happy birthday erin! welcome to your 30's - truly the best time of your life. my mother always said that to me and she was right. your parting with your twenties brought a little tear to my eye - don't even know why - perhaps because i can relate. i left my 30's a bit ago and while i miss them i am at a great place in my life. it does gets better and better. i hope all your dreams come true.
I miss them a little, not enough to trade this time though, I hope you find the same and have a great birthday.
Really, you write so well, it is wonderful when the blog gives you the opportunity to do so - though I know this is not generally the purpose of design blogs, it is a great occasional read!
I think from reading this you will definitely write that novel one day. Loved it.
Sally
so well said and I do see that novel in your future too!
That was beautiful. Happy birthday. And as for your label "I'm old"? Uh, no. I have that label but I'm entitled. :-)
And I second what Sally said.
Such a great story Erin! I"m in my late twenties and have gone through many of the same stages! Hope you had a wonderful birthday!
Happy Happy Thirties and what's to come Erin! Blaze the trail for those of us on our way there. xx
Great post! You just summed how I feel and I'm already in my mid-30s. Love your blog!
this is just peachy. my birthday is tomorrow and i hit my mid-twenties. it's nice to know i'm not the only person who spent my twenties wondering what on earth i'm doing {but having fun anyways}.
Great post! I like how you don't just stick to design on your blog. Also, you are a very talented writer, so I think the novel idea is a good one, although I have no doubt that you will succeed at whatever endeavor you choose next.
You have no idea how much I can relate to this being in my mid twenties. I can only hope that I can say farewell with such aspiration as you.
Happy Birthday Erin! What a great post! Like a good wine, everything becomes better with age! Celebrate all the new possibilities! Best wishes for the next year and a new decade!
Happy Birthday! So many of us that are approaching 30 can really relate to this post.
Happy Birthday Erin! This post made me so happy--as an early 30s girl myself, I know the best is yet ahead for you! Celebrate the ride and keep us posted for the next adventures yet to come.
happy birthday sister! 20's who?? great post-- i'm totally appreciating the typewriter font. enjoy your day!
Happy Birthday Erin! You are such an inspiration in so many ways!!
Thank you for this - I'm loving my early 20's but excited for what the future holds. It's refreshing to see someone look forward to their future as opposed to dwelling on their past.
FABULOUS post! Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday! What an amazing letter. I loved every bit of it and was totally agreeing with you throughout all of it!
You're actually making me excited for my 30s. I'll see ya there sooner than later.
I love this! Being on the later end of my twenties I've also enjoyed the ups, downs and 'stages' as my mother calls them (aka bad design choices!)!!
Happy birthday!!! Cheers to a new decade! :) xx
I couldn't agree more. Brilliant letter.
Happy Birthday! What a great letter. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one in my early twenties feeling the way I do. Here's to another decade!
I love this! Happy Birthday! Wish you happy thirties!
Dear Erin,
your post totally made me cry this morning. My 30th birthday is in less than 2 weeks, and like you I have been looking back on the last decade with tons of pride for what i have accomplished (finished grad school; bought my first place on one of the prettiest streets in the south end) and with tons of hope that, as you say, the best is yet to come (um, matters of the heart....)
I wish you all the luck in the world for your Thirties! Having been your dedicated reader for like ever (though not a very frequent commenter), I am sure you are bound to design greatness!
this is exactly how i feel. i'm almost 28 and i've found myself in those words of yours. my fiance is turning 30 and complaining about being old, but i tell him the best years are yet to come. every day we are more and more independent, but still having time of our life and every day is a day closer to accomplish our goals and dreams. so, i'm not afraid but excited.
happy birthday, i love your blog, it's been one of my favorite. greetings from croatia.
p.s. while in paris, don't miss centre georges pompidou, it's something quite different and interesting ;)
Couldn't agree more! I saw myself in your letter except replace Boston for NYC and insurance with high-tech PR. Welcome to 30, it is pretty fabulous!
This is so fantastic! :)
Is it lame that all I want to say is "You go girl!"?
So well written. And congrats on all you've accomplished. You've been a huge inspiration to me. And mainly the reason I started my own blog...
I look forward to reading what you have to say every morning. Happy, happy birthday!
Alaina
p.s.
When can we hear the "go f*ck yourself" story?
p.p.s
When's Paris???
Happy birthday!! You actually have made me excited to get to my 30s... and I'm only 24!
Wow. Turning 28 tomorrow - this really hit home for me. Thank you!
Thanks so much for making me feel like I'm not alone. Not-for-me job, wondering what to do with my life, where it will go next - it's nice to know others have been there, too. ;)
this is totally rad and i have sent it to 4 of my best friends, all who will be turning 30 in the next few months. i will definitely write one of these for my 30th and hopefully one day share it with my kids. thanks for your inspiration!!!
Happy Birthday my sweet, funny, talented and beautiful daughter. Never could a Mom be more proud. Every decade has it's pluses, and the most important thing is to embrace them, and ride the wave! (Even the 50's brings a sense of calm and greater acceptance of life's peaks and valleys.) Much love, Mom
Erin,
Great Post. In my early 20s and it is so nice to know that everyone experiences those ups and downs of love and careers (aka finding yourself)and that it will all work out.
your blog is one of my favorites!
Lacey Shaffer
i love this post - it resonates with me as i am due to leave my twenties soon too - thank you for making me smile!
Absolutely beautiful. I've enjoyed your blog for quite some time, but never commented (I think?). This post moved me to "Become a Fan" on Facebook. Of course, I come here for the style, but this is really beautiful too. Welcome to your 30s - as a newly-minted 31 year old, I can tell you so far, they rock!
This is GREAT! 30s are where it's at! Seriously, good bye self-doubt, good by people who don't serve you, hello confidence, clarity and wisdom!
Wonderful post. Hope you have a wonderful birthday!!!
Thank you so much for writing this. I am in my twenties, a newlywed and I completely feel the same way about this time in my life. The best is yet to come, indeed!
Great letter, Erin - really well said - can't wait to see where your 30's take you ... look out, world!!
xo, Sloan
Erin, I am in love with this post. you capture all the things that are so true to our 20s and life. 30s are so much better. happy bday and cheers. xo
I agree with your Mom- every decade seems pretty incredible in new and amazing ways! Having just turned 30 last week, I'm excited for the next phase of my life but am right there with you on embracing all that's come before. I love your goodbye letter! Thank you for sharing!
Emily
Eric, I loved this letter and it brought back many memories for me too. Now today is the day, so finally HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You made it, all in one piece, looking stunning, still totally in love and clearly having the best fun that you have ever had.
p.s. Keep this for your book one day :-)
p.p.s. This is totally strange but this letter you wrote just reminded me of SJP's Carrie of Sex and the City's columns, not that I ever remember her doing one as fabulous as yours letter. You go girl, you could knock her socks off.
Fantastic! I love it and it sums up turning 30 perfectly...take that from someone who has turned 30now four times :)I have many of the same ambitions as you and it is exciting thinking of all the possibilities ahead instead of all of the "mistakes" in the past. Cheers to you!
All the best in your new adventure Erin!!! LOVED the letter, very creative and unique, great thing to do, I bet it helped you recap :) Cheers!!!
Um wow, thank you! Pretty sure that's my mantra for my now just-around-the-corner 30's too. As my 20s have now dwindled down to four more months, I found myself pondering this "end of an era" constantly. Reading that, I felt myself smiling and nodding...that's exactly what I would say if I was writing it now! So again, thank you for always sharing such great things to friends and strangers such as myself, and Happy Birthday!
Goodbye 20's, Happy 30's!
Welcome to your 30's ... your time to really shine! Just keep doing what you love (one of life's greatest gifts!) and the rest will fall into place. Even when what you love changes, follow your dreams and you can't go wrong. Keep laughing (another precious gift!) and remember it is not the years that matter, but the moments.
Happy Birthday, Erin!
Happy Birthday, Erin! Loved this post. I think you sang my mantra, "the only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing" (socrates, maybe?) but thats also what makes life an adventure! so dress up in your best Indiana Jones gear and attack those thirties! (well maybe just some cute camel colored patent stilettos) Bonne Chance!
Happy B-day! I hope you're having a wonderful day. Your letter is making me look forward to my 30's.
Welcome to the club Erin! I have been following your blog for a few months now, and love every bit of it! I see so many similarities of our personalities and design aesthetics laced into your blog and it keeps me coming back for more! I thoroughly enjoyed this letter and thank you for being so open and honest. I too met my husband on match.com and are newlyweds since 3.21.09!
Happy Birthday - Cheers!
Vanessa
What a lovely way to leave a decade and say hello big time to your future. In a few months I will be 60. The years between 30 and 60 go by so quickly. As someone said, "In the time it takes to reach down and pull up your pantyhose, you look in the mirror and your hair's turned gray." Fill these years with great memories. Have no fear. Enjoy the life you have created for yourself.
Erin, you made my morning when I read this earlier today. I'm going on 21 and have just one year left of my undergrad, and feel like I don't know which end is up. It's comforting to know that you - and many of the other commenters - have been in that place, and as far as I can tell from reading your blog every day, you're getting lots out of life. Thanks for being an inspiration... Happy Birthday!
Your letter made my day. It seems you live with such passion. I hope you go out and show your Twenties how it's really done.
Happy Birthday and the best of luck!
Happy Birthday and welcome to your '30s club...it's a great place to be :) You're a fantastic writer.
Happy Birthday Erin! My sister Vanessa introduced me to your blog recently and I'm so happy for it! Your style both written and design are truly refreshing and inspiring! I'm right behind you leaving the roaring 20s in the dust and eagerly anticipating the fabulous 30s!
i seriously LOVED this. so funny. Happy 30's!! :P
I loved reading this so much. Here's to a bright future! xoxo
what a beautiful letter. this is really lovely. and it's so true--life is never what you expected. xoxo joanna
its gonna be all good!
Do you know? You are RIGHT! :)
i'm 22 and i've thought that, since day 1, "this is it". this will be the best time of my life, so i need to live it up now before i hit my 30s and it's all down hill. but after reading your letter, i now feel like i actually have something to look forward to. thanks!
Thank you SO MUCH everyone for your kind, sweet words! I am so glad you liked this little letter! :) You guys are the best.
xoxo,
E
Adorable! Happy Belated Birthday, you have so much to look forward to. Wishing you all the best and thanks for sharing that very touching and insightful letter. XO S
This letter is so beautiful and so relatable. I absolutely loved it!
What a wonderful farewell - Happy Birthday!!!!
So well done -- you've summed it up perfectly, Erin.
PS - We had twinkle lights, too. And hot water that lasted only 5 minutes.
First, in response to your tag- you are not old!
Second, thank you, thank you, thank you!
I LOVED this post. I found it comforting and it made me smile throughout. I feel better about turning 25. I had set lots of goals for myself "by the time I'm 25..." None of them happend but many weren't authentic. Do I really want to publish a play? No. hahaha. I feel better knowing that there's plenty of time to explore and make my way through my goal list. In the meantime though, life has been unexpected and surprising. I can't help but think "if you try sometime, you might find, you get what you need."
This one is for Betsy, Erin's mom, I loved your comment. It brought tears to my eyes. Very good to know!
Erin,
I am a frequent reader of your blog....I just wanted to let you know that I loved your latest posting. I am 28 and my husband just turned 29 and we had both been dreading the BIG 30, but after reading your post I feel so much better about it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on it. Bravo! You're right! The best it yet to come!
Well said! You are an inspiration to me. And I LOVE YOUR BLOG! I read it everyday!! Happy Birthday!!!
This was one COOL letter. Loved this. Firey and thought provoking. You are wise beyond your years, Erin. But don't look anywhere near 30!
We'll do a late champagne celebratory toast at the beach.
Happy Birthday!!!!
xoxo
Seleta
This is great! Also, as a woman in my 20s, I found some parts of it that ring true with me and comfort in your witty reflections! Rock on Erin, your blog is fantastic!
The girls over at Pretty Bourgeouis sent this letter my way since I just turned 30 last week and it's AMAZING! What a great outlook.
Hope your 30's are even better than you imagine!
First, happy belated birthday. Second, this is the best thing I've read on any blog in a long time!
We're always told that life never turns out as we plan, but for some reason we all think that never applies to us (at least I know I did). I'm 24 and toss and turn at night under the pressure to figure out what I want to "do." It's nice to see that yourself and so many others are in the same boat.
I wish you the best in your 30's!
What a GREAT post!!!
I am a mid twenties gal just graduated college with my BA for Interior Design and I have yet to find a design job. I am not giving up though!
Your blog is such an I N S P I R A T I O N!!
Happy 30th Birthday, have an amazing trip to PARIS!
I loved your article - it was just so nicely written! I felt like I could relate on so many levels and from what I can tell, a lot of other people felt the same way!
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